here<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nI haven\u2019t had this much fun reading a book since…well, honestly, I can\u2019t remember. A rollicking space adventure complete with eminently satisfying references to and parodies of the greatest science fiction stories of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, The Best of All Possible Planets<\/em> will turn you into one of those people who laughs out loud while reading a book in public, startling the people around you. They\u2019ll look at you funny, but you won\u2019t care, because you\u2019re enjoying yourself too much. After all, this is, according to the author himself, “a space opera take on Candide <\/em>written as a series of Futurama <\/em>episodes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\nYou can tell that Shvartsman had a wonderful time writing TBoaPP<\/em>. Each chapter begins with a quote from The Gathered Wisdom of the Human Species<\/em> by an old sage named Airvolt, who has taken on the role of philosopher-leader in the tiny human settlement that is all that\u2019s left of our species on Earth. Apparently, the minute humans figured out actual space travel, they hightailed it off the planet, leaving only those who weren\u2019t as…ambitious. These pearls of wisdom dropped by Airvolt include, for instance, explanations like \u201cinstead of building the pyramids, the [ancient aliens] demolished the upper tier of the Stonehenge, burned the Library of Alexandria, and glued the king\u2019s tomb to the ceiling of the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus\u201d (34). It\u2019s been so long since human civilization flourished on the planet, that Airvolt can basically say, well, anything<\/em>, and the humans under his care won\u2019t know if it\u2019s true or not. Dhawan and Rada, two of the last human Earthlings, certainly believe him, though Rada is more skeptical, as a rule. When the sunrise malfunctions in the very first scene, both realize that there\u2019s a problem. They consult with Airvolt, who gives them the bad news: the \u201cMacGuffin mark XII force barrier\u201d that stretches over the human settlement and provides clean air and safety from the delightful-sounding \u201cflesh-eating dandelions and mutant tiger-roaches\u201d is breaking down. The only solution is to find another MacGuffin force barrier somewhere out among the stars, bring it back to Earth, and save the tiny settlement. Otherwise, well, tiger-roaches.<\/p>\n\n\n\nOne only has to learn that this object is called a \u201cMacGuffin\u201d to grasp that this is going to be a very self-aware story that intends to laugh at itself. Of course, a \u201cMcGuffin\u201d in science fiction terminology is an object that isn\u2019t necessarily important in and of itself but sets in motion the plot that ensues. In this case, the force barrier is exactly that\u2014ok, it\u2019s important because, without it, Earth is done, but we forget about it for most of the story amidst the chaotic and fantastic adventures that Dhawan, Rada, Airvolt, and a bothon friend have flying through space on the Theseus<\/em>. The ship, named for the Greek hero who killed the Cretan Minotaur (half-man, half-bull), is itself a hilarious character, since it is composed of very old nanites that act like crotchety old people. They bicker, they slander, they insult, they complain, and there are so many <\/em>of them. Simply questioning how the ship\u2019s FTL drive functions (Dhawan likes to ask questions) throws them into such a frenzy of rage that the ship stops in mid-space at one point, throwing everyone around like marbles in a cup.<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe plan is to find a planet on which Dhawan, Rada, and Airvolt can purchase a MacGuffin force barrier. Shouldn\u2019t be too complicated. This technology is not obscure or anything. The problem is, the characters tend to land on…problematic planets. Dhawan sets out believing that Earth is, of course, the best<\/em> of all possible planets, and what he experiences doesn\u2019t completely disabuse him of this belief, though his adventures do broaden his mind, making him more mature and more open to the realization that Earth might be nice, to him, but is in reality a backward planet with no civilization to speak of. It\u2019s home, though, so Dhawan will do anything to save it.<\/p>\n\n\n\nA murderous-robot planet, a simulation planet, a junkyard planet, a Galactic Empire ruled by a lazy emperor and his Darth Vader-wannabe nephew\u2014all of these places offer the characters many lifetimes\u2019 worth of adventures and Shvartsman the opportunity to (lovingly) send up everything from Star Wars<\/em> and Star Trek<\/em> (OG and TNG) to Doctor Who,<\/em> Monty Python<\/em>, and the Cthulhu Mythos. At one point, the Theseus<\/em> is about to be consumed by a very hungry Ancient One (sorry, \u201cFar Out One\u201d) when the \u201cJanitor\u201d (read \u201cThe Doctor\u201d) suddenly appears to save the Theseus. <\/em>The Janitor\u2019s gelatinous companion is the most entertaining, though, since she speaks Yiddish and keeps the Janitor in line. I have to say, and Shvartsman may not have deliberately made this reference, but I immediately thought of Plankton\u2019s robot wife Karen during this scene. So throw Sponge<\/em>B<\/em>ob<\/em> into the mix, which just delighted me.<\/p>\n\n\n\nThen there\u2019s the junkyard planet: \u201cProspector\u2019s Paradise was an apt name for the next world Theseus<\/em> visited, closely beating out such equally apt names as Golddigger\u2019s Folly and Blasted Hellhole in an internet survey\u201d (37). We learn that the planet \u201cboasted the highest concentration of ancient alien artifacts in the known universe, which attracted the known universe\u2019s second-highest concentration of adventurers hoping to strike it rich without working too hard.\u201d The humans barely make it off of this planet.<\/p>\n\n\n\nEach planet offers different challenges to Dhawan and Rada (they lost Airvolt back on the first planet, named \u201c101010,\u201d which looked suspiciously \u201ca lot like Canada\u201d), which brings them closer together (surprising Rada and fulfilling Dhawan\u2019s dreams). They get shot at, captured multiple times, forced to work in digital gulags, nearly executed by robots, nearly thrown down a pit, and much more. And all the while the MacGuffin hovers tantalizingly out of reach. As a comedy, we must expect a happy ending, which we do get, but of course I won\u2019t offer any spoilers. Suffice it to say, the Swarmada and the bug creatures that emerge here (what, bug creatures? Yes, giant space bugs, pay attention<\/em>) turn out to be a lot less mean and bloodthirsty than the humans who made it to the Galactic Empire. So that\u2019s a plus. One of the funniest parts is also one of the saddest when, near the end, the humans\u2019 bothon friend Seventy Three (bothons die very easily but this particular one had determined to live as long as he could and then go out in a blaze of glory) finally stands up to the violent bothon revolutionaries on his home planet who claim they\u2019re \u201cbuilding a communist utopia\u201d because \u201cspace communism has never been tried\u201d (235). Seventy Three had been a (mostly helpful) companion on the humans\u2019 crazy journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSo jump on board T<\/em>B<\/em>oaPP<\/em> for an entertaining ride that will make you chuckle and want to weep with nostalgia. Now, if you\u2019ll excuse me, I\u2019m going to go rewatch my beloved Captain Picard journey through space with the crew of the USS Enterprise<\/em> while drinking his Earl Gray tea, hot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
July 28, 2026 Get your copy here I haven\u2019t had this much fun reading a book since…well, honestly, I can\u2019t remember. A rollicking space adventure complete with eminently satisfying references to and parodies of the greatest science fiction stories of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, The Best of All Possible Planets will turn you into<\/p>\n
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